Night time’s the hardest

The nights are the hardest. 

Morning brings a new day. Even cloudy, rainy, overcast days still give you some purpose. There are things to do. Jobs, chores, errands, visits with friends, activities, hobbies.

I'm in an odd spot right now without a job. I don't have to be any place at any particular time. Yet I acutely feel the pressure of needing a job. I've been spending several hours at a time researching jobs and companies.

Meals break up the day. Planning, cooking, eating and cleaning up. I used to not like it. Now I do. 

Then, there's tea time. Morning. afternoon or even evening. Steep a cup. It smells great and tastes good. The caffeine can be a boost, too. 

I write as the mood strikes. But I'm writing every day, even when I don't publish. 

Bed time winds me down. I check my phone and plug it in. Not being on call means I can silence any incoming messages or calls. I tumble into sleep, which usually comes easily. 

But the nights are the hardest. That's when I feel most lonely. Maybe because people who have people are with them then. 

During the day, those of us who work are often solitary, doing what our jobs require. Yes, there's interaction with others — even for those who work remotely. But we do our own thing. 

Some days I'd have time just to myself after work. I could fill it however I wanted. I enjoyed that. I still do, although without friends close by, I have fewer activities. 

But after that golden hour or two, it gets quiet. And I'm too much alone in my thoughts or I've been alone with them too long all day. 

So nights are hard. 

Perhaps I need to change my routine. Find something to do during that time. Make a new habit. Make night a time I look forward to rather than dread. 

I'll start on that right away. They say it's best to memorize right before bed. Perhaps poetry ...