Writing for myself

Nearly half of what I write lately I can't publish. 

I write for myself, but I'm also used to publishing. More than 20 years in newspapers will do that to you. 

I didn't write for a long time after I left the paper. I didn't think I had anything to say. 

I journaled when I traveled. I discovered how much I appreciated that after the fact. It's neat to read it and be transported over time and space to a moment or a day or a week when I was experiencing the world. 

I also journaled when my daughter went to Thailand. As parents, we were instructed to limit our contact to reduce our child's homesickness. We dutifully followed the rules. Hindsight being what it is, I should have been texting her every few days at least. Instead, I wrote about what was happening in my life that I would have shared with her had she been home. 

I didn't read that. I think it was probably pretty sad even though I didn't write about how I missed her. It would have reminded me of those eight months when she was gone. 

During the years, I kept occasional journals. Someone would give me one, so I'd write a bit. I'd either tire of it or not make time for it. When cleaning the house, I found a bunch of them. The one from my first job at the Tribune — about my job — was interesting. But not enough to keep it. 

I pitched all those old journals. 

Now most of what I do is electronic, although I received a nice travel journal and a personal journal as gifts recently. 

Typing on my phone or laptop is easier for publishing. 

But lately, I've been writing more that I feel I can't share for one reason or another. Some are written to specific people. (Most of those aren't shared with the intended recipient, either.) 

Some are a bit too egotistical. Yes, it's my personal blog. But I consider my audience, and I'm pretty sure people don't want to read every thought that comes into my head. 

Some are just me venting. While you might find some interest in how I've processed something or my latest discovery, you don't want to know all the stumbling blocks I've had to go through to get there. 

Ah, always an editor. 

I also tend to write and forget. That's interesting. I'll come across a blog post, and I might not remember if I published it or even sometimes that I wrote it. Writing let's me get it out of my brain, I guess. 

I used to write my newspaper columns in my head before hammering them out on the computer. I could write a 500-word column on a 2-mile walk. Heck, I could write a 500-word editorial in 20 minutes. But I liked to mull over my columns a bit more, editing in my head to get just the right phrase. 

These blog posts aren't nearly as polished. These are more in the 20-minute vein — if that. I'm really only slowed down by texting. Put me on my laptop, and I can type almost as fast as I think. Granted, I have typos, but that's what editing is for. 

That and weeding out the posts my audience doesn't need to read. 

I guess if you're reading this one, it made the cut.